11 posts tagged “personal”

For some reason I am very cold and a little sad.

My mom she came in and did what she does every year. She said "I didn't get my daughter enough for Christmas". Usually or rather in the past she has then taken me out to pick something. This year I said "yes you did and no you don't have to get me anything more".

Reasons why my mom gives me plenty and does plenty for me.

She listens to me obsess and be overly anxious.
She tells me repeatedly not to worry.
She always helped me in school when I needed it, from kindergarten on. I would not have gotten as far as I did if she had not helped me.
When she goes on vacation she always calls me once a day.
She worries about me if I go out at night, she always wants to know where I am at or where I'm going.
She tells me that I am a good person and that I am her sweet daughter even when I'm not feeling so much the good person.
Even though I get annoyed with her and some times am not always nice to her she still loves me and still refers to as her sweet daughter. (except I have this theory that you tend to take things out on the people you care about and that care about you because they'll love you no matter what or so you assume).
She taught me my love of reading.
She has always been there for me and supportive of me.
She lets me come in to her room at night so that I can talk her ear off even though she's tired.
She doesn't think she got me enough for Christmas but she did..she got me plenty because she loves me.

There are a lot more reasons but these are the most important ones.

Merry Christmas everyone.

I'm doing my own project where I watch all my comfort movies before I go back to school at the end of August, which I'll be really busy sadly since I have to take four classes on top of a correspondence class. Should be interesting but on the plus side hopefully (fingers crossed) I'll be graduating in December!

The reason I started this project is because I'm pretty sure I'm going through a bout of depression right now and I need something to take my mind off it. I've been reading to but somehow movies have always been really comforting to me. So the first movie I decided to watch is Finding Nemo:

The Art of Finding Nemo

Mark Cotta Vaz

I saw this movie a few times in the theater and I loved it each time. I remember the first time I saw it, the part where Dory thinks she can speak whale just pretty much had me rolling in laughter. I still find the movie enjoyable and funny which is why it is a comfort movie for me. This movie reminds me of living in the condo with Summer and Chris. I use to sleep with my window open there because we were upstairs and my room was in the part that was gated off. My room had a little window seat that I use to like to sit in with pillows and read. I also would set my lap top up on it. There was one night that I was watching Finding Nemo on my lap top making screen captures when Summer came in and we ended up watching it all together with Kyle and his now ex-girlfriend. This for some reason really sticks out in my mind as a comforting night.

Another memory of this movie is that I went to Washington the summer it came out and two times Jennie and I tried to go see it. The first time we went we just ended up being to late and we saw something else. The second time we brought my other cousin Jay with me and it was opening day for Pirates of the Caribbean. So while we were waiting in line I turned to Jennie and said “I really want to see Pirates of the Caribbean”. To which she said “me to” and then we asked Jay if it was alright if we went to see it instead, and so we did, which was worth it btw. Finally we got to go see it together and so I associate this movie with that time to. Just getting to be with my family and friends is a real comfort to me.

I got this in an e-mail and I really liked it and felt it came to me just when I needed it...

Things I Want

1. Miley Cyrus tickets
2. Bad Girls Don't Die and the new Sarah Dessen Book Along for the Ride
3. Secret*
4. For everything to work out for everyone
5. To stop hurting - physically and mentally
6. Secret*
   
7. Secret*
8. For everyone to be happy
9. To be a different kind of person (but, only on days like this)
   
10. To read Harry Potter for the first time again
11. To have something of mine actually work out
12. To have small get togethers with friends where conversation ensues in the future when I have my own place. 
13. To be able to go to the movies and scrapbook regularly with Dani
14. To always be able to visit Seattle, or some day live there
15. To have a child that will love me as much as the kids in my life love their parents.
16. The Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince and New Moon movie posters
17. To some day have a cozy home to live in.
18. To have a husband that puts up with me and knows that I can have insomnia so I'll stay up late reading or watching movies/the Disney channel.
19. A golden retriever (that won't scare Oliver!)
    
20. To have Confessions of A Shopaholic(it comes out June 23) and 17 Again(August 11) on DVD already
    
21. Built in bookcases
22. A spa
23. A long blue flow-y dress
24. To lose 10 or 15 lbs
25. To not wake up with migraines
26. To always know someone is going to be there for me (I know that there are people now..I just want to always know that and be secure in that knowledge)
27. To get in to graduate school when I'm done
28. To go to Disney World, The Harry Potter Theme Park, other places in the U.S. and Canada, most of Europe and Australia.
29. To laugh
30. A nice new camera like the Digital Rebel

* = I wrote this in my hand written journal and so the numbers that say "secret" on them are things that I feel are to personal to put out in to the world.

I think God has his reasons and that he basically has a plan for everyone. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason to and I just have to have faith that things will work out and that I'll find my place in the world. That in that place I will find happiness.

I've been having a tough time lately, just a lot of blah and things annoying me. So here are things that I do appreciate in life or that make it ok for me to have to deal with the blah because sometimes honestly I feel like giving up.

- Amazon packages
- Happy hour with my mom
- Addison
- Having people that will listen to me vent
- Kelly Clarkson's All I Ever Wanted CD (let me tell you it's getting a lot of play time in my car and I love the lyrics)
- I Love Lucy on DVD
- Photography
- Lexulous on Facebook
- Getting B's on my Exams
- Being able to take my niece to see the Hannah Montana Movie on Saturday
- Happy Meals from McDonalds
- New Pink Ear buds for my ipod (my other ones broke which was a sad day indeed)
- My possessed lap top (the fan is making angry noises)

Sometimes I think I belong on the East Coast.

Jennie, my cousin, says I belong in the Northwest.

I belong anywhere that isn't surrounded by this desserty stuff.

I wish that I had someone to lie next to and just sleep. That's all..nothing more.

Just someone to fall asleep with.

1. What's the last DVD you watched?
Disc Five of Season Six of Smallville

2. What are you wearing at the moment?
jeans, a sweat shirt and slippers

3. Who is/was your favorite cartoon character?
Tinkerbell and Stitch

4. What is your favorite scent?
Hmm chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven, warm vanilla sugar, lavender, my perfume

5. What is the last song you listened to?
A song off the new Taylor Swift album

6. What do you drink the most?
Sadly diet soda...I should cut that out probably but it's hard!

7. Is there a useless thing you can't bother to throw away?
Psh I probably have a ton of that

8. Who was your first big crush?
Jonathan Taylor Thomas!...why did I even admit that?

9. What did you wanna be when you grew up?
I don't think I really knew...maybe I just didn't want to grow up?

10. What are your favorite song(s) of the moment?
I don't really have anything right now because my laptop was MIA for the past month and so I really didn't have music. I've been listening to a mix, the High School Musical 3 soundtrack and I just bought the new Taylor Swift album. Yeah I suck

11. Favorite Book?
I have alot..Gone With the Wind, Wicked, The Harry Potter Series, His Dark Materials Series, The Time Traveler's Wife, 19 Minutes, The Other Boleyn Girl...and the list goes on

13. What is your current desktop?
Haha Clark Kent or Tom Welling from Smallville

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
No one tagged me...I stole it

15. What are you afraid of?
Winding up alone, failure and randomly clowns

16. Where would you love to go for your next holidays?
I don't know..be where ever my family is. Go to Washington to see my cousins again. Go to Ireland

17. What are you into right now?
Photography and Smallville

18. What did you do today?
Not much my class was canceled again! So I watched Smallville and talked to my mom about all the things bothering me
 
19. What do you want?
I just want to be happy and to find someone to be happy with. And a pet rabbit!

20. What should you be doing right now?
Nothing..well probably going to bed

21. What's the meaning behind your username/name/nicknames?
From Merriam-Webster dictionary

Not in any order

1. My parents I don't think I could ask for better ones
   
2. The rest of my family who make my life better
3. Summer and Jennie(who technically is my family as she is my cousin but she gets her own number)
4. The rest of my friends, old & new
5. The place I have to stay and the roof over my head
6. Warmth
7. Pizza, food in general
8. Freedom
9. Being able to read
10. Libraries, free books!
    
11. Harry Potter
12. Being able to have and having the chance to go back to school
13. All 5 senses
14. Text messaging
15. Having a reason to smile and laugh
16. My bed, it's very comfortable
    
17. Feeling safe at night
18. Dreams coming true
19. My car
20. Babies, I love babies
21. Knowing that every morning that I wake up someone cares about me
22. What little money I have.

I needed a reminder

I have a hand written journal that I use for my really private thoughts. I have found that I haven't needed it lately because I have found people in my life that I feel comfortable telling things to. I have found that I can work it out with them rather then try to deal with it myself, which was my main reason for it. I will still keep it because there will always be something but not always constant that I will need it for.

My depression is still there and come Monday morning I always wake up with terrible anxiety but I have friends and family to help me through this. Really good people that I know I can count on. I was told something on Friday that actually really bothered me. Normally I would have gotten out my journal but instead I went and talked to two people about it, just to get it out. I'm not going to write about it because I realize I shouldn't worry about it. My mom said "Often the things you worry about the most never happen and the things you never expected to happen do," I liked this because I think sometimes it is true and I want to apply it to what was bothering me over the weekend.

My brother, Bill, Dani and the two youngest kids came down to visit this weekend. It was one of those weekends that I felt was so nice that I wanted to take it, put it in a box and wrap it. Then give it to someone else so that they could enjoy a weekend like that just as much as I did.

Dani took my scrapbook home and said that she would work on it for me with her marvelous scrapbooking skills. Alyssa woke up in the middle of the night crying for her mom so I went in to see if I could calm her down and she stopped crying immediately and asked me to stay with her. We watched Mary Poppins on DVD and Dani and I went shopping all Sunday morning. I bought clothes and she bought a lot of scrapbooking stuff in the scrapbook store. We had pizza saturday night and Zack met them for the first time. It was just a generally nice weekend.

It was the kind of weekend I'd like to remember forever.