College is breaking my spirit

I realized this week that I unconsciously like to ruin relationships (my own, possible or ongoing). I like to royally screw things up. Like if something good can happen in my life, I then decide that that's not good and I need to mess it up somehow. I don't even realize I'm doing it until it's to late. So either I think I don't deserve such goodness or I think I'm to damn scared to be that close to anyone. I honestly wish I knew what was wrong with me.

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
and think of you
caught up in circles confusion--
is nothing new
Flashback--warm nights--
almost left behind
suitcases of memories,
time after--

sometimes you picture me--
I'm walking too far ahead
you're calling to me, I can't hear
what you've said--
Then you say--go slow--
I fall behind--
the second hand unwinds

chorus:
if you're lost you can look--and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
time after time

after my picture fades and darkness has
turned to gray
watching through windows--you're wondering
if I'm OK
secrets stolen from deep inside
the drum beats out of time--

if you're lost

you said go slow--
I fall behind
the second hand unwinds--

if you're lost...
...time after time
time after time
time after time
time after time

Before you read this it's possible there are spoilers but not really because I don't really talk about what happened.

So after watching Cloverfield the following conversation happened.
Summer: Seriously?
Christa: No...Could someone...I mean what...
Summer: Was the point of that movie?
Christa: Yes!
Chris: I thought it was good but there's no closure.

I clicked over to the special features

Christa: Ohhh Alternate endings!

Watch Alternate endings (alternate ending one sucked) and then I discovered something from the second alternate ending.

Chris: Ok now we have to watch the ending the actually used to see if it's that scene

We did watch it again and lo and behold there it was..and it all made sense. Not really since there was still no closure but at least I saw the point of all those extra footage that was stuck through the film of some day on coney island.

Christa: I think this movie has to be watched again just to see if there was something we missed. Well at least it kept my attention the whole time.

They have now decided to send me Cloverfield

Why did they send me Gone, Baby Gone when Cloverfield is listed as my number one movie that I want and it says it's AVAILABLE! This is BS people, BS...I want Cloverfield!

Also I started reading all the Gossip Girl books and I can pretty much knock them out in one day. Only I don't have any money so I can't go to the store and buy them :o/ so I have to wait to get them at the library. It's agony, to have to wait!

Must go get Sarah Dessen's new book Lock & Key

Really wants to see Prom Night

Friday I think I pretty much failed both my tests. I'm fired.

I went with my mom to help baby sit my niece and nephews while my brother, his wife, and my father went to Vegas. I think my mom and I got the bad end of this deal but oh well. We stayed all weekend, friday I spent about 5 hours with my nose stuck in my Family Relations Text and Notes and making up note cards for my Exam tomorrow. While simultaneously watching the Food Network. My mom had to take my nephew Justin to Urgent Care and he came home with an ear infection, an upper respiratory infection, conjunctivitis and a severe sore throat. Yeah poor kid. I had to stay home with Alyssa while my mom did this; she would eat all her grapes and then say "More grapes pwease" or so that's what it sounded like. She would say a lot of cute things actually. Dylan stayed in the other room watching random odd things on the television and bugging me to take him to the movies which I was like Blah. Later we all watched the Kid's Choice Awards on Nickelodeon. I don't like Drake's (Drake and Josh on imdb) facial hair right now BTW.

Sunday I spent an hour and a half writing note cards for my Infant and Childhood class and watched an I Love Lucy marathon on TV Land. I have to say that I'm lucky that I got to watch that and Food Network at all because the rest of the time it was Spongebob. By the time I got through a few episodes of I Love Lucy, Justin wanted the TV only I said "No Spongebob because I have to watch anymore of it I'm going to scream."  We ended up all playing a very eventful game of Disney Scene It which I am the master at. Seriously my mom, Dani and Summer will all say "If you play Disney Scene It with Christa it's likely she'll win," and I did. Then we watched Toy Story.

I had to sleep on a blow up mattress all weekend which was really uncomfortable for me..the couch was more comfortable which I was what I ended up choosing around 3 am on Saturday night and I fell asleep comfortably the rest of the night. Alyssa didn't want to sleep that night and she would only fall asleep with me, she kept asking for me and if she saw me then she would cry if I would walk away. I have a special connection with her and well I just love kid's in general. I have no pictures from the weekend because well it wasn't a meant for fun weekend.

Then this morning I woke up very congested and I had a headache and yet I still went to class. I wanted to go anyways because I had an Advising appointment which I'm glad I went to because she got me out of my second biology class! I no longer have to worry about those requirements! I now pretty much only have to worry about the classes for my major and my minor.

Umm I guess this is suppose to be a Tuesday thing but I wanted to do it.

Loath

* Some Arizona drivers mostly just the ones that drive like jackasses
* Not having any money
* Paris Hilton

Love
* The song alone by Heart
* The Claddagh Ring I got for an early birthday present
* Playing Guitar  Hero at Summer's
* Direct TV right now
* Finally having a DVR